5 Things to Look Out For

This entry was posted on Friday, May 20th, 2011

Blackpool and Birmingham heading down like a child on a slide…

1)      The terraces will cause confusion:

“Apparently Kalinic has scored – Blackburn one up.” “Really? Sam – Steve says Blackburn up at Wolves.” “Oh wait mate – might have got that wrong. I think it was bad traffic on the M1. Sorry – awful reception here.”
Sometimes it isn’t just the crowd who get the wrong information. Who could ever forget Manchester City’s hilarious attempts at keep-ball back on the final day of 1996, a fine spell of possession unprecedented in the nine months previous, but one which ultimately sent them down – they needed a win, not just the point.

2)      An amply-upholstered, shaven-headed man will weep:

And speaking of the crowd, watch out for the standard relegation money shot of a bald, fat man sobbing into his scarf, Birmingham City tattoo on the forearm clear for all to see. As television continues its quest to turn everything into a reality show, the final day of the season, is alas not exempt.

3)      Blackpool will be patronised:

“Whatever happens today, one thing is for sure. Blackpool fans have had a wonderful rollercoaster ride in the Premier League.” Oh shut up Alan Parry…

4)      Television will treat us as brainless fools:

If you’re the sort who enjoys a drinking game or two on this type of occasion, feel free to down a keg every time a commentator tells us how complicated the relegation battle is. It is as if these people are putting together the Hadron Collider, not simply looking at a list of numbers, needing merely to decipher which is the largest.

5)      Blackpool and Birmingham will get relegated:

All three of the 39ers should get beaten on Sunday, but whilst Wigan will not lose by more than one or two, it is conceivable that both Birmingham and Blackpool will get a good lashing. The Tangerines are 3/10 to drop, whilst the Blues are 4/6 with Blue Square. Interestingly, Blackpool in particular look vulnerable – it has been nine years since all three promoted sides survived in their first season back.

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